One night a car crashed outside my house, a woman drunk, got out of the car and I went to help her. Coming up the hill was a mob that wanted the woman for crashing into 4-5 cars as she drove up our road.  I took her inside and waited for the cops to come. When the cops came, one lot took her to the police station and the other cop waited for a tow truck to take her car away, and took names and addresses of the people who’s cars she had hit.

When the tow truck arrived, the cop park his police car in the middle of the road to make sure the tow truck had place to move and no-one got in the way. As i was talking to the cop, i noticed his police car rolling down the road, and i asked him if thats his police car rolling down the road on it’s own. He look back and said “yea” then “oh fuck yea” and took off running down the road after his police car, and i just giggled at the sight i was seeing unfold in front of me.

The cop was hanging onto the bumper of the car while being dragged down the steep hill and he only let go when his police car side swiped the first of 23 parked cars in our road and came to a halt in the back end of a motorhome.

Traffic cops that give out tickets and don’t know how to use a hand brake

Bitch Slapped By Sammie

In november 2004 i had a guy come over to clear my garden and burn all the rubbish and over hanging branches he cut off the tree’s that summer. while gathering all the wood and branches, then building a bonfire ready to burn it all on, i made some lunch and got him a beer. at about 2pm it was time to start the fire and he brought a gallon of petrol with him, to make sure it would burn.

He started the fire with paper but it didn’t really catch alight very well, so he took the top of the petrol and splashed some over the fire and it went whoosh and started to burn the rubbish but didn’t burn for long.

i asked if he wanted another beer and went to fetch one for him, and he was on the other side of the fire poking it about, when he asked me to pass him the petrol can.

When i passed him the petrol can, some of it splashed out on his arm and leg and on the ground too, only about 1/2 a cup full at most. He didn’t seem to mind and then started to splash more petrol on the fire and whoosh it went again, only this time it went whoosh up his leg and then his arm. when he seen it he started running but didn’t throw away the petrol can so was splashing more of it on himself as he ran around the garden screaming.

I screamed out “jump in the fish pond” and pointed to next doors pond, but he didn’t look where i pointed and jumped into my pond, which was a split level pond of 6 foot deep, 4 foot deep and 1 foot deep, only it had been pumped out the day before for cleaning so only had 6 inches of water in it in the deep end, where he jumped in hoping to make a big splash and put out the flames.

poor guy jumped into the 6 foot end, only to find 6 inches of water in it. he broke his ankle and an arm, but was able to roll around in the muddy 6 inches of water to put the flames out.

he never did come to finish my garden after that.

boys playing with fire.

bitchslapped by sammie

3 hours to fix my car stereo, Well i bought a used car and it had lots of cool things in it, like a 10 disk cd player in the boot and other things. Well i rushed home to get my CD’s and put them in the box thingy and i was ever so disappointed that it didn’t work, i took my car back and the guys spent 3 hours ripping the stereo out the front and all the wires to the back and even the box in the boot, and they changed them all for new ones and put my box with 10 CD’s in the new one and still nothing happened.

Well the guys had done everything, new stereo new CD changer in the boot with remote control, and nothing worked but the radio. Then a little boy, the owners son came over and asked what was wrong with the car, and i told him the cd player wont work, then he said “are the CD’s in the changer the right way round?”

Well the two guys gave each other looks, to say “i hope you checked that because i never” kinda look, then they looked at me and i just lowered my head and gave a half smile as i turned my head away, and within a minute my CD’s were booming out the speakers and the two guys were calling each other stupid and lots of other things.

well the boss came out and said not to bother wasting anymore time and just leave the new stereo and changer in the car and get back to earning your wages.

mechanics trying to blame me

Bitch slapped by Sammie

Driving home late one night i was about a mile from home and just comeing over the crest of a hill, when i seen a bunny rabbit sat in the road looking at me, i looked at the 18 wheelers coming up the hill and slammed on my brakes and headed for the bushes on my side, thats gotta be a better choice than hitting a wagon right?

well i hit the bushes and the car bounced off and spun round and went backwards under the trailer of the 2nd 18 wheeler. Fighting my way out of the car with blown airbags all around me, i see the mayhem as i watch this little baby bunny hop past me and into a garden, who’s bushes where hiding a stone wall i just smashed into.

my poor Volvo 760 was a total loss.  Bunny 1 Sammie 0

people who hide brick walls behind bushes.

Bitch slapped by Sammie